How do you know when dating turns into a relationship
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Its been 3 weeks and we are now seeing each other every day. Now in September I went to Europe to study a semester there. I was pretty upset at this point and to end the conversation he caballeros, One day you might get a response, but let him do that, he says he understands what I want, but I know where he stands. The next time I saw him was yesterday when he picked me up from the airport in the am after work. I can never have the note about elevating to the next level without him getting uptight, or just simply ignoring the question as a whole. On the second date, after seeing a movie, she invited me to her place. Let em forget that saw you be human and look at you with fresh eyes. You print to plan ahead, to discuss multi-tiered outings. As a wedding planner, I get to hear about how couples meet all the time. Mostly he is just spending it getting back in shape, building his career back up and focusing on his kids. It really caballeros light on why he would be hesitant to come out to them.
How exactly do you go from dating someone casually to having a serious relationship with them? Is it some secret, LSD fuelled desert ritual? Do you just… ask them? Casual to Serious: Why Do You Commit? To make yourself a better partner, think about your past relationships. What qualities made you want to get serious with your date? What things turned you off? Being self-aware of how others perceive you is a huge advantage in dating and relationships. Sure, acting unavailable might work at the casual dating stage, but what happens after that? How long before insecurities, neediness, and jealousy creep in? Instead of acting unavailable, be independent. Hang out with your friends a couple times a week. Go to the gym. Play the sport you like or pursue one of your interests. Learn an instrument, a language, or take dancing lessons. Value yourself and your own time. The main thing here is neediness is a killer. Insecure people push for serious relationships for the security it brings, and people can sense that. Why bend over backwards to make someone you barely know happy? Let them earn it. A prime example of this is a guy who brings a girl flowers on the first date. A nice gesture, but how do you know she deserves them? What if she ends up being a total bitch? Some women might be wondering. Holding off to avoid judgement is ridiculous — how can two people have sex at the same time but only one of them does it too soon? When you go on a date, what do you think the purpose is? The best way to look at a date is a chance to have fun. This keeps things… well, fun. People like being around fun, low-pressure people with no expectations. Focus on having fun, enjoy the mystery, and going from casual to serious will happen naturally. Unscheduled Time Together When you start hanging out together without making plans in advance, you know things are getting serious. If you make it past the gauntlet of scrutiny from their friends, things are well on their way. Troubleshooting: Dating for Months, but Not Serious? Here are the most common questions and my answers to each. A: There are two explanations for this. If you drift apart, you know they were never going to commit and you saved yourself time, trouble, and heart ache. Texting a lot, we hook up often, they want to meet my friends. A: This scenario usually happens when someone wants to get serious but has a fear of commitment. Q: No one I date wants to get serious!! You need to try some wrong. Thanks Siron, glad it was helpful. They want someone to settle down with into a serious relationship right away, if you take your time and date casually you could be looking for a while. Sounds like you guys need to have a serious conversation with a professional. He does have a very, very busy job and is just getting over a major medical issue. I guess I need to directly talk to him the next time we see each other. He had said in the beginning that he was looking for a monogamous relationship and wanted to make sure I was off of Match. We see each other every other weekend. Sometimes, we see each other once during the week for dinner. We are both legally separated. Nearly 5 years for him 3 for me. We both had been married for over 20 years. Sometimes, he still misses her I think. She has no interest in getting back together. I am over my marriage and am ready for love again. When we are together we have a great time. All his attention is on me. He is lovable, affectionate. He just told his girls about me a couple of weeks ago. They handled it ok. He rarely texts me. He likes me to initiate. He makes an effort once in a while. We talk about everything except where we are in our relationship or if it might progress. It makes him uncomfortable to talk about it. I recently told him I loved him. I took a chance. I figured he may not say it back. Neither do I really. What do you think? Be proud of yourself for having the guts to do it. He clearly sees the potential to fall in love with you otherwise why keep moving towards a serious relationship? Hi Ryan: I posted in May about my boyfriend whom I told I loved. I was hoping he felt the same. Well, you commended me for it but unfortnately, it scared the hell out of him. He became distant on and off. Two months after I declared my feelings, he broke up with me. Too cowardly to talk in person which he admitted. He said we took the relationship as far as its going to go. Two weeks prior, everything seemed good for the most part. I said two weeks ago we were fine and this came out of nowhere. A month after this, I stopped by his place to give him some of his things. I texted him a couple times to chit chat. He was very receptive to it. He said there are so many reminders of me everywhere and he misses me at times. I asked him of he would like to meet up here and there for a movie etc. Asked him a week ago. Oh well, guess I need to move on. Thanks for the update. I stand by what I said in May — you definitely made the right move. Especially if he said he may not ever want to commit to a serious relationship… imagine if you waited a year or more to express yourself and the same thing happened? My general advice following break ups is a clean break. Delete them from social media, no calls or texts, put old pictures and things they gave you away. Hello, I am a Chinese and I am only 26 years old though. But I suffered the same. Maybe his mentioning you to his girls was a just a lie? No matter what,he was not the right one while you absolutely deserve better. It has been a year away since your update and I know it is meaningless to comment now. I hope that you were having a really good time after that in this 1 year and have met the right one! He was married but I was not even though the guy I was previously with I was basically married to also lived with him, had kids, been together for almost 5 years … We met through a mutual friend. Then one night he invited me over after work so I decided to stop by and only planned to stay a few minutes, well a few minutes turned into a couple hours and before I knew it it was 2 in the morning… He really wanted me to stay but I went home and he text me after I left and confessed that he really liked me a lot… The following week he went to out of state and we hit it off pretty good texting all the time… I decided to give it a chance. Or do I need to give him more time? Any advice will help. I was in an in between relationship for about a year with my current guy. He was previously married and I was coming out of a long term relationship myself when we first met. He tried a lot in the beginning but had put a hold on it for the first few months because I had not felt ready to move on at the time. Not until 6 months ago did I start developing feelings. I was too afraid to get hurt and like how I felt when we were together to jeopardize anything. One time late at night he had mentioned he wanted to become something more and asked what we should call each other. It was if we had sort of labels but nothing changed. There was no commitment made after that. I made it clear then that this in between was not for me and I clearly stated what I was looking for and left. After taking some time to myself and asking if this is what I want we have now been together for a little over a month and just got back from a 4 day vacation together. Besides our awkward past things have been great. And if you can how to get your friends and family on board that things are better now? Thank you for the help! When guys are being shady one of the best things you can do is stand your ground. If he keeps treating you right, your family and friends will get on board. Hey Ryan, my boyfriend of 6 months and i broke up in middle May, he told me he didnt want to be in a relationship anymore and wanted to be single. Then, after not speaking for about a week while he was on vacation to play volleyball, he texted me and just asked what i was doing and how i had been. Two nights later, talking both days, I went to one of our mutual friends birthday night at a local bar. He was there, i got really drunk, and his friend took me home male friend whom has a gf that was out of town and my ex got extremely jealous! After 3 more days, he asked to meet up and talk, i had just moved and he came to see my new place i was supposed to move in with him by the way and we had sex. Its been 3 weeks and we are now seeing each other every day! To me, everything has been so great, like starting over!! Then i saw he was messaging girls on tinder to come over and shit. I made it clear that if he ever had sex with someone else, i would never talk with him again. Am i not on the right path and thinking eerything isn as good for him as it is for me? How do i know he is REALLY invested in us and not messing with me to have sex? Any advice would be awesome! I recently started dating my best male friend. We have known each other for 7yrs. In the past we have cheated on our exes with each other but then we stopped messing around and kept being really good friends. This is the first time we date each other and it feels great. What i am worried about is if this will only be a summer thing or not? He is currently living upnorth and im in the south due to school. How do i know if we can carry on dating if he has to go back up north in a month? Will it work out? What can I do to maintain our dating life together? Please lend me some advice. Where does he see you when he goes up north? Is that something you want, and if so, does he want the same? Is it feasible for both of you? Long term, long distance relationships are basically impossible, so be careful here. Consider your wants and needs. Hi I have been dating this guy for about 6-7 months now. He has taken me to his work place to meet everyone and also during the past month I have met some members of his family and he took me out to dinner with them. Problem is whenever I tell him that I love him he says thanks. Should I give him more time? I feel much better, like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders but I also wonder if I ended things too prematurely. We have been seeing eachother for 5 months and he travels for work a lot. Everything seems to be on his terms and on his time. We already had the exclusivity talk so apparently we are exclusive but there is no title. I want to know if it was smart for me to just end things or should I have talked to him one more time to see if he would change. I felt like maybe he does care because every time I get busy, he starts to freak out. What do you think? I met this guy at a bar and hooked up with him within two hours, I was really attracted to him and could not control myself. However he lives out of state and comes into town once a week about every one or two months. He only texts me when he is in town and has NEVER called me. I have made excuses not to see him a few times but he always seems to text me when he is in town. I confronted him via text that I like him but do not want to be deceived, and then he described the relationship as casual. I am just looking for confirmation that this guy is full of crap and just using me. I have been really seeing things differently in the last year with how I am dating. I am learning that to develop something solid and meaningful, it takes time. Enter the guy I am dating now. We started off as friends late last year and then one thing led to another and we were on a date, dating and sleeping together. He and I both have expressed that we have never been able to be in a relationship without being completely intertwined with the other person; that we both were scared of that happening again. He is also focusing on his sobriety and I have some background with that as well and realize that comes first. His last relationship was really,really unhealthy and he said it tore him up-and put him in such a depression. He said he never wants to feel that pain again. This last stint of us not talking lasted 2 months. We have been dating again now for almost 2 months. One of the things I have always loved about him was how honest he has been. I have never trusted a man 100% the way I do him. I have a pillow and toothbrush over at his house, I have met his kids and he has met mine once, when we have free time, we are spending it with each other-at least 2 or 3x a week. I stay the night a couple times a week and we laugh a lot. He is cooking me a birthday dinner tomorrow since I will be out of town for my bday this weekend. I guess my question is I feel him slowly letting things develop naturally and am wondering if I am being a fool sticking around hoping this will turn into a relationship? Meeting kids, staying over, making changes when your partner brings up an issue — those are all great signs. Maybe he has a hang up about calling you his girlfriend? Right, talk is cheap. One other question, pretty please! Answers usually always or calls me right back. But I also understand that I should voice what I want and need at times too…. Do I just do the calling on my way home to encourage that? Or do I say something? Thank you for all your responses so far! We were both just out of serious relationships but jumped into the relationship pretty fast. He is having a hard time getting over this last girlfriend and a month ago asked for some space. I gave him what he wanted. He told me he still wanted to be with me but needed some space to clear his head. A week later he asked me to be his girlfriend officially. We talk everyday and see each other almost everyday. We have met each others kids and our kids get along really well. He still has moments when he is sad about his ex but they are getting less and less. We are open about it and he vents to me when he thinks of something. He keeps assuring me he is getting better everyday he tells me he loves me and he hopes we make it long term. This is all good and everything but the thing that bothers me is he says this summer has to be about him, he needs time to better himself and make himself who he wants to be. But some days it feels like he is giving 100% other days not so much. He is understanding of my natural issues from the past relationships and a genuine nice guy. Im worried it will end when he feels better. Should I stick around? Mostly he is just spending it getting back in shape, building his career back up and focusing on his kids. All great things that I support of course. So I backed off and he stepped up. He calls or text daily, he acts more in a relationship then he did when we had the label. Fear of commitment maybe? Or just looking for companionship without commitment? This was hard for me to hear mostly because I want one, and was under the impression he did. We talked about it and agreed to continue to casually see each other, and get to know each other. My question is, does this sound like a guy who will just need some time to develop and understand his feelings, and we may move to being authentically serious, or am I setting myself up? I know that I will develop serious feelings for him, and I am willing to take my time and respect his needs, but I am also afraid of being the only one who falls. Look at your options though… take the leap, and potentially you experience casual dating becoming a serious relationship. Let me know how it goes! Hi I met a guy on the darting app. First date was just having lunch. I thought it was not just hookup tho. What are you looking for. He said he is disappointed. Maybe I miss his signs. Maybe it was my bad logging into the app. Was this really bad thing?? This is a perfect example of miscommunication. All that needs to happen is a talk — ask him what he wants and explain what you want. Thank you for giving your opinions. I guess getting serious tho. I actually delated my account. You know sometimes I just loggin without any thought. I do not want him to check me too. He forgave me this time but he told me no more lies even it is bad thing. I am trying to be honest all the time tho. I am happy to meet him and staying with him now but idk how things change in the future. Hello, I dated a guy for the past one and a half year. We had started off as friends and later we dveloped feelings for each other. But for some reason our relationship seemed like stuck in place and dint move forward. So then we broke up. But still we met quite often, went out and stuff so we ended up getting back into the relationship. Things were great for a few months but again we came to the stand still point. So he broke up with me again. Now its been 2 months since our break up and we seem to be falling back in the same pattern of chatting each day, meeting up quite often. And we still have feelings for each other. But idk why our relatonship wont work out? Idk why that is. But i think its because were are still in college and living with our parents and not independant yet and studies should be our priority. When i look at my friends who are in a serious relationship, either one of the girl or the guy or both of them live on their own. So that i guess helps them spend more time with their bfs because they can stay over many times or just live in with them. So what do you think bout this? Again i think we never talk about the future, because somewhere in my mind i think, its scary to dream about it even though i want to. Because we dont know next for masters where we would go and our paths might seperate which would be really sad. So my relationship doesnt feel like getting serious, it stays kinda casual-ish , we talk a lot, meet up, go on dates, make out. But then it starts getting monotonous and boring after a while even though we love each others company. And seeing friends getting all serious ,planning how theyd like to grow old with each other, our relationship seems like nothing and we break up. But then we start missing each other and again start hanging out and talk all the time. Its so weird, idk how to solve this. Yes, of course — I think you provided it yourself. You need to talk about the future and plan together. A relationship is just a combination of friendship and dating for a really long time. Basically, your dating life sounds good, but your friendship is at an impasse because of an uncertain future. Let me know how it goes! I am a gay male and I have been talking to a guy that I have known now for over a year now, we met online and have started a long distance type of relationship where I go out to see him at least once a month and we are always in constant communication either through snapchat, facetime, texts, etc. He is still going through a coming out process and I have now been introduced to his close friends and roommates and his brothers and sisters know about me now but not his parents. He tells me one thing but his actions make me think otherwise. We have an intense attraction to each other, our chemistry is amazing and he has trust me to be part of this part of his life. We love to just spend time with each other and we can have fun just sitting at the beach or out with friends or in bed watching TV. He tells me he loves me all the time and that no matter how, he wants me in his life for a very long time. Please help me in figuring this puzzle in my head! For me, the relief of honesty is worth the risk of rejection. The only way I can live is to hide who I really am. People will reject and judge me. It hurts me to know people experience that on a daily basis, and I hope your boyfriend can overcome this obstacle in his life. Ryan, thank you for your reply. It brought a lot of insight. A little more insight to the situation, Christian has an older sister that came out as a lesbian about 3 years ago, for a while after, his family cut communication and it really tore the family apart. Today, there is communication with her and she has attended SOME family events but for the most part, there is little communication with her and their family which weighs heavy to Christian. Christian and I never expected our interaction to take this road, we never knew that we would fall for each other the way we have, to have developed this love for each other. I truly care for him and I want to fulfill this journey to be with him, I want him to be happy with the choice he ends up making. When I am with him, he is very courageous and I see him grow as a person, he takes risks as simple as holding my hand in public, coming out to his siblings while I am with him, coming out to his friends but as soon as I am away, he goes back to his dark side. When we started, we began as something casual, I knew he was exploring a curiosity that he had, that it could have been a summer fling a year ago, but for him to still want me around, to tell me he loves, to take the risk of introducing me to his friends and siblings is progress worth sticking around for right? I have never felt this way about a man before, to want to be with him not just from a sexual perspective but to truly care about him and his safety and to want to be there for him through this……….. Are all these signs that he wants me to be around for a long time even if there is conflict in his head? Careful with the concept of obligation, that can be a really dangerous road. The decision his parents made was incredibly short-sighted and ignorant. It really sheds light on why he would be hesitant to come out to them. Any person is capable of any behaviour. If you think of it like a spectrum, base personality would be like a peg placed somewhere on the spectrum. The actual behaviour is like an elastic around the peg… with enough force the elastic can be stretched to anywhere on the spectrum, although it takes a lot of force to move the elastic far away from the peg. Over long periods of time, the peg slides around the spectrum to wherever the tension of the elastic is pulling it. Imagine Christian in between coming out and not. You, his siblings, and his supportive friends are a positive force stretching the elastic towards acceptance, openness, and authentic expression of who he is. His parents are a negative force in this specific respect stretching the elastic towards homophobia, guilt, shame, and the other things that keep him from coming out. He never really changes. The only thing that changes are the social forces acting to influence his behaviour. As long as someone has two roughly equivalent forces acting on them, they sort of cancel out and the person remains in the middle. I would always be upfront with them that i had kids, but the would always seem after 2 or 3 dates to stop taking to me. I felt the private setting was more appropriate to bring up that I had kids. I honestly just want a relationship w someone bc I want companionship. Hi Ryan, So hoping you can give me some advice. We met through a mutual friend when I was with my ex of 5 years, we never initiated anything sexually or emotionally until after I was broken up with my ex for sometime. He even invited me to play on his co-ed baseball team this summer with his friends. Hello, so I need help. Well we made plans to meet right off the bat as a casual fling. We meet and things happened. The next day I went through my day like any other all the while not really giving the night before much thought. To me it was a one night stand, or so I thought. Later that night he texted requesting for me to go over to his place again. Then things just started to go down hill from there. About 5 days after that we literally spent 12 hours a day together 7 days a week. But everytime I try he shuts me down and we end up in bed. When the fight occurred he erased the messages and pretty much I let him have his way, as always. Him knowing about my teue feelings for him makes it easy for him to manipulate me. Not that I want him to commit or to commit because honestly knowing him now how he really is I know the he is most likely not someone i should waist more time on. If we were in session together, my questions for you would be: What are you getting out of this relationship? You are perfectly capable of doing differently, but you choose to let him have his way — what does this provide for you? To be completely honest i believe the reason from me letting him. From the beginning I agreed to the way things are now. Which is another issue. He said because he just wanted to let me know in case of an emergency or something like that. Message: hi ryan, i met this guy on tinder 5 months ago he lives 2 hours from me. A genuine case of paths going in different directions. Think of your life like train tracks, and you travelling along them. A great relationship is when two sets of tracks converge and run parallel. You know what you want to do. What does it mean! Am I over thinking this? When we first met we agreed that we didnt want to get into a relationship and we wanted companionship. However, we became intimate on our third hangout. When I asked him what it meant he said its just sex and he wanted to quit and we did call it off. After a week, he comes by my place and says he is sorry and that he really likes me, he told me how he was badly hurt by his last girlfriend and he stopped dating for 2 years as his mom told him to focus on graduating but he did have one night stands. When he wanted to be intimate after that, I told him that its going to lead to me liking him eventually and he said he was fine with that. We became fb friends and all his friends knew me compared to the first few months. He buys me gifts, pay for me and compliments me. However, 1 I am not sure if I am still there because of the sex? Also, recently I came across a fb message of his with another girl. He still talks to her now August but there wasnt anything sexual, she did say Love as her last message. I know this was not right on my part to be looking at his fb messages. Also, 3 I am Asian and hes Caucasian and I dont know if sex comes first because its the other way around from where I come from. I know I dont want to jump into a serious a relationship right now, I want to get to know him first but being intimate with him makes it hard. How do I not be intimate without making him feel like I dont like him? How do I make him understand that I want to get to know him before? Look at his actions — do they point towards genuine interest? Brandon and myself are Christians we would not be sleeping over. And when he would visit me the same thing. And because he lives in Texas and I live in Colorado there would be no unscheduled time together it would have to be scheduled. Unless he is visiting near a Sunday, meeting friends will be hard too. In our situation what would be the signs that we would be graduating from dating to a serious relationship? Sorry if this is sloppy I tried to spark note a year and 4 months worth of stuff. Hope you can help. Looks like you want one thing and he wants something else. Get on the same page with him and let him know there are only two options — being with you and only you, or not being with you. At that point, you either break up with him or accept that you have a casual dating roller coaster that occasionally goes into serious relationship territory. I started seeing him in early July and since then our routine has been to see each other about two times a week. We both have kids so our free time is limited. He is always the one to ask when in available next to see him. We go out on dates and also spend the night at each others house. I went with him at his request to help him pick out furniture for his place. Last week I made the mistake of asking him where things were going. We spent this Monday night and last night together. My problem: I think he should know after two months if he wants to be exclusive or not. How much time should I give him? I think your male coworkers are right. Is there a reason that you doubt this guy despite all these sign posts pointing to the fact that he really likes you? Rough experiences with guys before? Thanks for answering, Ryan. But then he told me he would get his kids again next weekend to make sure he and I stay on the same custody schedule. Even as I write this, I realize how paranoid my thoughts are. Almost is better than did. If one part of you realizes the truth, that part of you can bring up the rest to a healthy level. Awareness is the first step, and being able to acknowledge how you feel and not beat yourself up over it is next. From there, question your anxious thoughts when they come up. Use a psychological technique like reframing www. I hope things keep going in the right direction! I have a slightly different take. I think yes, two months is a short time to be asking about getting serious. We have great conversation and he seems to be a good guy. I can never have the talk about elevating to the next level without him getting uptight, or just simply ignoring the question as a whole. Tonight I asked him if he dated other women and his response blew me away. He goes on to say there are no titles, we are what we are. I was pretty upset at this point and to end the conversation he says, One day you might get a response, but let him do that, he says he understands what I want, but I know where he stands. Why do men find it so hard to commit? What should I do? As soon as you leave, he gets scared. He wants you there but not close enough that you can hurt him. Guess you have a choice to make: do you want a guy who will call you his girlfriend, or this guy? It sucks that he runs hot and cold on you, but you also run hot and cold on him. Stop relying on him to make up his mind and make up yours. He recently is very sweet wants to cuddle after sex and also he does little things for me everyday that show he wants more. Do you think he is changing his mind or maybe this is the kind of guy he is? It sounds like his definition of casual dating is a bit different than yours. Your advices are extremely relatable and helpful, keep it up! However it kind of feels like we already are, as I know his friends and he knows mine. We met through a mutual friend. On the first date, we were really open and honest and said we could tell each other everything. We even browsed our Tinder profiles together. At first, I wanted to take it slow and really see if we fit, but things went crazy intense really fast. In 3 weeks, we saw each other 9-10 times. When I sleep at his place, he leaves for work and I let myself out later. And he even implied I could go wait for him to come home at his place next Sunday. Because things got intense real fast, I stopped logging into my Tinder account about a week and a half ago. But 3 days ago, he added one of my friends without knowing on an app POF. He has only been single for 6 months and before we met, I know he hooked up with A LOT of girls. He might even be somewhat addicted to dating apps. He was casually seeing someone on and off this summer for 3 months and at some point he was seeing other girls as well. When she said she was getting attached, they cut it off. I want to know if he is considering seeing other girls or if he just goes on this app out of habit or boredom. I want things to develop naturally and see if we can take it further when the time is right. But I am not comfortable with the idea of us seeing other people. I feel things got so intense that even if this is very recent, we are past the non-exclusive stage. How should I approach this? Thank you for your advice. As for me and my guy, circumstances led us to have a good long talk. Mostly, the app is just a habit to pass time. We did agree to be 100% honest with each other though. I met his friends last week and his aunt and uncle this week. On the second date, after seeing a movie, she invited me to her place. I later returned to my place wondering if I did the right thing or not. Not with words, anyway. If transitioning feels awkward, it probably is. Think of it like a natural progression. Hi Ryan, I was seeing this guys for 6 months. So we did the casual thing for a while, but after a bit the relationship seemed to have changed. But I really like him and we are so happy together. What should I do? The reward of a serious relationship will be worth the BS that comes along with dating casually. She and I hit it off pretty good a couple months ago and had a real connection. She bought plane tickets to come see me even! Where things fall apart? I want something serious and she knows it. We get close emotionally, real close. How should I continue? Should I pull away? No one deserves to endure a roller coaster of emotions, the ups and downs of not knowing whether or not you have a secure relationship is extremely stressful. It can develop into different forms of anxiety and can even continue into other relationships should this one not work out. Hi there, I will try to make this as succinct as possible. I met a guy not long after my divorce. We met online but discovered we had many mutual friends. He has been divorced for about 4 years. We have discussed exclusivity. Neither one of us is dating anyone else. About 5 months in, I got upset because he was only seeing me once a week. I got frustrated and ended things. He contacted me the next day to say he was confused and wanted to discuss in person. We went out to dinner at which point I explained that I was confused. Did he want to casually date or was he looking for serious? He said he wanted to casually date but eventually become serious. I made the decision to keep seeing only him. Here we are almost 10 months in on the same path. We have gone on trips together, discuss the future, text all day every day, have met some of each others friends, etc. But we are still only seeing each other once a week, sometimes less due to a few different life issues. He says he feels we know each other well but that he agrees we need to work on seeing each other more. I should mention that we both have demanding jobs and when he was on vacation, I saw him several times that week. I just cant tell if this guy is a commitment phobe or if it truly is just his regimented work schedule. He wants to get married again and have children. Basically I am massively confused. The question you need to ask yourself is how much longer are you willing to put up with seeing this guy once a week? I met him online though a non-hookup site and from day one I had made it clear to him that I wanted a long term committed relationship. He reassured me that he did too. I told him No and we said our Goodbyes. A month after that he contacted me again with a new proposal. I was flabbergasted by this proposal. Did i do the right thing? Thank you in advance for your advice! Hi Ryan — I am in love with my best friend, oops. He has told me he does not see a relationship but he does love me and hopes we can stay good friends. We hang out most every night by his doing. If something comes up that either of us wants to do we just know we are going together. Yes, he knows how I feel. What I would like help with is changing how I feel so we can remain best friends. I want him to be happy and he deserves to be. What should I do? Everyone has needs, ranging from shelter to intimacy. If your needs for intimacy are inadvertently being met by your platonic friend, your brain is going to trigger emotions as though he was your intimate partner. The way to counter this is by redirecting your intimate needs somewhere else. I have been friends with a colleague for four years and was shocked when he told me during an afternoon cocktail hour that he wanted to sleep with me. We see each other at lunch or outside of work at least 2 times a week, and on most weekends. He has a key to my house and I have his garage door opener. He tells me he loves me and I am head over heels. That said, he compares me a lot with his ex. He told me that he stayed with her because of the life, friends and home that they built together. He said it made him feel like a hedonist because he sometimes feels like he should have just settled for a lifestyle — one that has now drastically changed. This weekend we traveled to Seattle together, and on our way back we got to talking about this. The subject came up again at dinner and he basically said the same. Nothing says serious relationship like dog stuff and bathroom shit. The references to his ex could be motivated by many different things. We met on an online site and we chatted for a bit before exchanging info. His profile also said he answered a question in a series of questions on his profile he wants the next relationship to be the last ideally. We have gone on dates still do he waited til our fourth date to kiss me though he showed other types of intimacy and he never pressured sex. That happened some weeks after our fourth date. He usually has a valid excuse work or being tired due to work but it still hurts. I knew in the beginning things would be somewhat difficult. We live about a 25-35min drive away on a good day and our work schedules are conflicting. He typically works mon-fri overnight, sometimes Saturdays and sleeps during the day. His off days are usually Saturday and Sunday. I often feel unsure if his occasional inconsistency is due to our schedules or something else. When we are together I know he likes me and cares for me…I can feel it. I know something is there but whenever I feel him drawing nearer to me he pulls back some. I deleted my profile several weeks to a couple months in, but his still remains more on his later. The next day we were on the couch laying together and he whispers in my ear that he wants me to be his lady. After a little silence I talked about it and let him know what my expectations are as far as a relationship and he backed out again. I pryed a bit and asked him what his reservations were and he claimed that our difference in religion is something he needs time to really consider. He claims the religion thing is still the main issue but that we need to actually have a conversation about it instead of him coming to his own conclusions about my values. Things were cool between us, but because of pressure from friends I HAD to bring it up again and now the uncertainty is getting to me. We went to the gym on Monday together and spent the rest of the day together. I noticed him making more effort to get to know me on a deeper level, asking me situational questions which turned into the two of us spending a couple hours asking each other questions and being more open than we have in the past. We talked about our fears our futures what we want out of life etc. Of course there is so much more to learn, but when we parted ways I felt closer to him as a friend, which is nice. The next time I saw him was yesterday when he picked me up from the airport in the am after work. I told him to make concrete plans and let me know. Am I wasting my time or should I continue to be patient. What advice would you give me? Ive been speaking to a guy for almost two months. It started very slowly since i was dating others when we met. Ive stopped dating other guys because frankly i dont feel comfortable and my memory is terrible at multi tasking and i get my facts confused between the guys! I decided to really just pay attention to him because he is really cool and i get a really good vibe from him. The thing is im use to a guy being vocal and not having to guess how interested he is. We have great dates which are fun and though he reveals personal information about himself family, work.. The modern smart girl assumed at first he may just want to keep things casual and simple.. Maybe just wants sex. We did actually sleep together on date 3 because the physical chemistry was so intense. We didnt hang out again till a week later and barely spoke up tp then. Naturally i was in full remorce mode. Then i figured well if this guy got what he wants and hes done well better i know that now and farewell. Two days later made dinner together yay it was fun and we snuggled.. Day after that just a random hello but didnt actually engage far into conversation…i tried encouraging but his responses were distant between.. So i just cant read him! Just when i feel like were getting closer and on cloud 9 his distance makes me wonder if were on the same page. He doesnt strike me as a guy who wants to waste time. Hes 35 and closed his online dating profile cause he didnt find serious ppl there until he met me. My patience with his mixed signals is running thin. Im affraid ill come off too strong if i ask him how he feels and ill be rejected. Whats ur barometer reading of his behavior with me? I dont initiate txts very often but sometimes i do. I feel we keep a pretty even keel. The shoes are on my feet now and i suck at this! I welcome all theories.. Sounds like he likes you and wants more than just casual dating. If you have an expectation like that, it needs to be communicated. I get the fear of turning someone off. If you want a satisfying serious relationship sometimes that means talking about what you want. I would greatly appreciate some advice. So I was in a domestic violence relationship for a year, when I left, I was at my lowest, I felt worthless. I quickly found someone new to lean on, who pushed me for sex and I did to get over my prior relationship, it Only happened a couple times, I knew this guy was bad news. He was using me. BUT I recently confessed to him tht I had slept with this guy between my last relationship and him. I had lied previously And said I hadmt , because we would see the guy Around and I felt so ashamed of the casual fling that I lied and told my Boyfriend we had only kissed. So a week after the last sexual encounter me and my now boyfriend at thois point were already telling eachother we really liked each other and felt really strong for eachother , about a week later my now boyfriend and I first slept together and confirmed our relationship as official. I know if he knew these details of the timeline, he would leave me for sure. But we see a future together. Should I feel guilty? What should I do? Can this still work if I keep this a secret? We never said we were exclusive at this point, but we were saying we meant a lot To eachother and saw this going a long way etc. What are your thoughts on that for exclusivity? And what are your thoughts if I can accept this set of events and keep it to myself, but my boyfriend would not be able to? Is it then still okay to keep it to myself even if I know he would not have the same opinion as me? I am 53, he is 58. He really does not want to be with me as much as I want to be with him. He is busy and an serious hunter. During hunting season, he travels to hunt- he hunts all day, eats, dreams- lives hunting! I feel uncomfortable with this because in my past relationships- we just always hung out naturally and I didnt have to ask. I know he wont marry and I am kind of okay with this. I admit, I am insecure. I try to stay busy. He is a true gentleman. We are intimate and it is very good. He is the best man I ever me- but I still feel like something is missing. He is serious but wants to keep it casual. Sounds like you have different needs in terms of emotional closeness. Talk to him about it. Finally, a few weeks ago he told me he needed his private time but still wanted to be with me. I ended up talking to him on the phone and it was awful. I started and instantly burst into tears. It took a week of talking to myself to get to this point. At the next meeting, it turns out he was rattled by our previous conversation. I kept my head and listened to him. He also did that for me and we came up wirh a solution that we are happy with. He also told me that he is committed to just me. Talk to this guy or live in limbo — Your choice. Talking and expressing your needs is scary — the other person may not reciprocate. He has 3 children from his marriage and he says he lives for his children which is a great quality. He calls me every morning and night and we see each other almost every weekend sometimes during the week but he works late. However I am afraid of getting hurt and him just stringing me along and nothing coming out of this. But how long should I wait to know if this is real or not? I kind of want it to stay fun without it losing its feeling because were dating and potential relationship. What should i do to keep it going? I kind of want it to stay fun without it losing its feeling because were dating and potential relationship. What should i do to keep it going? Lets just say the way in which we hooked up was purely for sex. How ever i like him a lot. He told me he married your had 3 kids and then divorced from his wife in 2004 , He has since had another relationship , but she always accused him of looking at other woman. I do find he gets alot of female attention , the odd text that comes through etc. We see each other once a week and i enjoy his company. He has told me he has reached a stage in his life his age 53 mine 47 where he is at a Plato and is happy with his life as it is. In his words he said if we get close then the relationship will develop. At the moment i see him once a week and not on Fridays or Saturdays as he prefers to do his own thing. I am looking for a relation where i am happy to see somebody twice a week but im looking for a relationship that could lead into something serious , so do i stay where i am or move on? We started communicating often then we would text every day and call. Since we live several hours apart it took us a couple months to actually meet each other. We have a great time when we are together. Laugh, go out dinners,movies, mini golf, bowling, comedy shows, etc. What do you think? We started dating casually the week of his divorce. His ex wife cheated on him and deeply hurt him deeply. We live an hour apart and spend every weekend together alternating between his place and mine. I have 2 older children, he has none. We took things very slow. Not even becoming romantic for over 3 months by mutual choice. About 5 months in he told me he loved and I told him I love you back. Things have been coasting along smoothly until recently. I am starting to get tired of the traveling back and forth and want more or at least an idea if there will be more. I also recently lost my job but am independent and not wishing to ask him for help. Last week he stated he wants to keep things casual and light. IMO we are way beyond that. I fear I have made it to desirable for him to have just a weekend girlfriend. Having his cake and eating it too kinda scenario. He says he is comfortable with our current arrangement. I will table the topic for now but will reevaluate it upon our 2 year anniversary. Do you think I am being fair by giving him 2 years to figure things out about our future since he is so back and forth? Incidentally he says I treat him better than anyone in his past. Divorce is hard, and I think you have a point about him being commitment-phobic — and also part of your couple-like activity being a continuation of his marriage-feeling. Does that make sense? Stuff you do with a spouse — looking at houses, etc All that said, I think you need to consider walking away from him, for now. You do not, from your letter. Let him read this letter, let him know you want more, and that can be with him, or not with him. I have been seeing this guy more than 4 months. We are both 40s and have kids around 10 to 13 years old. I told him right in the beginning that I was looking for a serious relationship. He liked me a lot when he first met me, and chased me hard. He asked for exclusivity on the 4th date and I agreed. We recently went on to a vacation together and it was great. He treated me very well and would check in w me via text everyday. He always hold my hands in the public and starts to say Im his gf in front me though. He said his life was bouncy now he and his ex wife fighting on some financial things. He loved to be around me but he had to take things very slow. I know he likes me a lot, and so do I. But is he stringing me along? He had his kids every other week, so I can only see him during his off week, maybe two to three times the most. What can I do in this situation? We hit it off the first night and i ended up sleeping at his house and then leaving early for work in the morning. Since then, we have seen each other every weekend but only at night and usually only with his friends also. I always end up staying at his house over the weekend, going back to his house from wherever we were and leaving in the morning. Well, a couple weeks ago he told me that he was busy the next couple weekends concerts, camping so i did not contact him and he didnt contact to me. I wrote back and said no worries and hope all is well with him too. I just dont know where this is going because we havent talked about being exclusive but i know we like each other and have a great time together his friends all tell me how much they like me too , but its been 5 months and i dont want to rush anything, but i would like to know if he sees things going anywhere, because the longer this goes on, the harder i am falling for him. I am trying to keep it light and airy because i dont need a big serious commitment from him, but i would like to know what he is thinking. Any advice would be appreciated! I have decided that I have to either accept it as primarily occasional sex, or get out. If I find my heart getting involved, I have to get out. It sucks, but there it is. Lily From my experience I was on the same boat like you, however he called me daily, seen eachother on the weekends did what couples did for 10 months! Just this past Friday after everything he told me he wants to be friends. If he really likes you he will move mountains for you and make you his girlfriend in a heart beat. A guy knows if he wants to be with you within a couple months. He had wonderful excuses. So I thought lol but there is a guy out there for you that will give you his time and not play with you and linger on the situation. He will respect you. Good luck girlie I had a teacher at law school who became interested in me from the first time on. We started talking after his first lecture and this went on after every lecture. We were talking for hours, forgetting about time and usually it was about getting to know me better. Sometimes he showed more signs of interest, like on a school pub quiz looking at me in a way that I noticed he liked me. I invited him for my graduation party, but he wanted to see me earlier, even though I wanted him to wait a bit. On my graduation party the flirting and complimenting went on, which ended up in him coming home with me and two friends who stayed at my place for my graduation. Nothing happened and after a little conversation he went home, but we agreed on a date and hit it off straight from that time on. I tried to boost his self-confidence, especially because he had performance anxiety when it came to sex. It seemed though, that he was very much into me. After that we went to my place and had sex and I thought his insecurity was just a temporary glitch. However, he never said he liked or loved me. In the meantime I got into housing problems and as a practising barrister he offered me help free of charge as I was his girlfriend. Unfortunately, two weeks before our break up he admitted that he took a girl out for dinner, whom he has known for years and that everybody says they should be together, but he never had the intention to that her and vice versa. I felt sorry for him, because I thought it comes from his insecurities he was never satisfied with himself or his looks and tried to cheer him up and wanted to be friends. I bumped into him on the street a few weeks later and he told me to drop him a line once I feel better to meet and that he was sorry for hurting me as it was never his intention. We are both 53 years old. When we are together we have a lot of fun and connect. However, I only see him once a week and text every other day or so. He says he has a fear of commitment but really enjoys being together. He has an active life with sports etc. My question is: After 4 months…am I dreaming of something that is never going to move from casual to a committed relationship. Just like anything in life, invest where the benefits outweigh the risks — your life. One word of advice- if you find yourself becoming attached and wanting more; and he is not communicating a clear, positive message -cut bait and bail. Please help me, In march this yeah my friend set me up with this amazing guy, and at first we were both also talking to other people but we started to get to know each other have the same sense of humour it just worked. So we went on a couple of dates and around a month or so in I slept with him. He has a lot of female friends and well one night I saw a comment of FB and well he was drunk and called me up so I asked him what we were doing where was this going. The issue he knows about my past and how the guy strung me along and how shit he made me feel. After he said that It was awks for a bit but then it seem to be really good, I stayed a lot more and he even said yes on a trip to London. We had the most amazing time and I felt like things had changed he just seem to act differently. But the last month or so he seemed so off. He was having to leave on excerise and said he had to go home to see his family before he went. He only wants a casual relationship. The things is a care and would do anything for him, I get on with the guys of the floor and have spoken the this female friends on the phone in the past. I had someone drive into the back of me the other day and he messaged me saying I hope your ok please say your ok. Can casual relationship ever turn into serious ones? Hi, thank you for your post it was a great read. We had know each other through mutual friends and hanged out a couple times in groups. He went back home to Florida and I stayed working at our college in Tennessee. At the beginning of the summer May he started liking my old Instagram pictures and he added me on Snapchat. A day later he snapchatted me, after that he would snap me every day and we would talk all day long through snaps. He seemed very interested and was always the first to start conversations everyday,literally. We continued doing so but he said he was deleting his snap and asked me to add him on Whatsapp to keep in contact. And we had been doing it for 3 months now. But not as much as he did we we used Snapchat. Now in September I went to Europe to study a semester there. We are still talking but our conversations are not as flirty but we still call each other hot, cute, etc. And I would at least like for us to be exclusive with each other maybe. Should I keep on going with this or should I drop all my hopes of something with this guy and just keep him as my texting buddy? Are we just dating or are we boyfriend and girlfriend. We had a conversation about relationship before and he said he has never been in a real relationship. We do everything just like bf and gf we hold hands in public. We went vacation together…. Please gimme some advice what to do. We are both not seeing anyone else and recently he took his profile off a certain dating site. We see each other once to twice a week and have sleepovers. The only thing is that when we do see each other we never actually go out anywhere. If we grab dinner the one heading to the others place grabs it on the way through. Would like an outsiders perspective and advice. Is this something that could lead somewhere or is it and only ever will be casual sex? Hi Ryan, Despite my comment on Kim,I also have my own problems. As I said I am a 26 Chinese and I met a guy in a small club. Not all of the young Chinese go to club,but I go mainly to dance once in 2 months! Because I am a little dull and dancing in club makes me feel great. And there I met an Argentine guy who is 26 too studying in China as a freshman. We danced all night and it felt just right. He kissed me,helped me with my skirt and put his head on my shoulder. Everything was just so great. He said it was ok and we had some chat about love and marriage and so on. After that we texted a lot for about 2 weeks. The day before he went back to argentina for Winter holiday I went to his dormitory to mainly say goodbye our first meet since the night in club. We talked things like cultural difference and we should understand each other more,which made me think that we were a couple already because he said previously that he had feelings for me. We kissed and had sex. But at that time,I thought we were automatically in a relationship. So when I went back home,I kiddingly asked maybe I could call you my bf since now? And he said time would tell,if we get closer we could be gf and bf. I guess I might push him too hard and said ok we would be friends first and see whether love could grow,but no kiss or sex. He said ok and since that everything went back to a normal and natural way. Now I understand that for westeners,dating first and then serious relationship and I do agree. And should I hide my feelings for him and behave like we are just common firends or in a way that obviously tells him that I have a crush on him? It is a lot to read and thanks for your time. I wish to receive a reply from you. It is your body to decide what to do with. To answer your questions: is it natural,logical and normal for him or any westerns guys to say that we are not a couple after sex? It is certainly normal; sex does not necessarily lead to being a couple. He might just want to be casual, and have no interest in dating. They are very convincing that they care. And should I hide my feelings for him and behave like we are just common firends or in a way that obviously tells him that I have a crush on him? Flirt with other guys — possibly but not only! Seriously — think about how this guy has acted. Consider looking for someone else who is not a player, and who is ready to love. Dealing with my divorce was made easier by my occasional relationships; the hole that was left in my heart and life healed alot more easily when there was sometimes someone in it. I was not in love with my ex-husband, and am so grateful that the divorce happened and that my heart is again open to being in love. Thank you so much Julie!!! I was randomly checking my mail and found the push notification of your reply in spam box!!! That was my first time to post something on a foreign forum and also get replied and I am so happy and grateful! As regard to that Argentine guy,we have been texting sometimes. Even though I once got his reply a day later, he did explain and offered reasonable reasons. At least he never ignored my message,and it is a good thing. Besides,I found him a very slow type. His parents got divoiced when he was a kid,So I am planing to give him more time to find something unique in me and fall in love with me. But on the other hand,I will try to cool off and see whether he will take any initatives to text and meet. If no,I am getting him over! He is coming back to China in 3 days and I wish he could start a date on 2. Most importanly,how are the things about you? Is there anything fruitful between you and that guy? I have been dating a guy 15 years junior of me for almost 10 months now. It was fun and breezy. I have been enjoying every minute of it. We see each other once a week and had gone on two trips together. He has not yet made a move to get physically intimate other than hugging, holding hands and kisses on cheek. He is a great guy with a lot of attributes that I admire and appreciate. I have developed feelings for him. He did say his idea of a romantic relationship should be based on and built upon friendship. I am contemplating whether or not to pour my heart out to tell him I like him a lot. And that I want to keep discovering about him and explore the possibilities of us forging something deeper. I wish to know if he is on the same page without pushing him to commit or promise anything. Should I talk to him or not? I appreciate feedback from anyone who had been in the same situation before. Hi Ryan, I met a guy online then we had a dates. He was clear that he wants something casual with a possibility of becoming LTR. I am have been dating an entrepreneur and triathlete who happens to be Aussie expat living in Asia for 5 months. We both work in same industry. I found it is quite hard to get in to his world since he works hard me, too! We were closed to having sex once since our month 2 but I stopped him due to personal reason and he seemed to understand. I thought he would stop seeing me but we are still hanging out. I slept over no sex but spooning, cuddling at his place and helped him on some work for fun. Recently he invited me to his race after I have asked him a couple times previously. I actually stopped hoping to see him race but he did invite me. I take that as a good sign since we have no title yet. I want to get this relationship clear and want to see which direction he would like to head to. Can you suggest if this is a good sign or it is just me thinking too much and should I ask him right away? Do you like him? If so, let him know your expectations and ask him to be straight with you. That said, clarify his intentions with him, i. Otherwise he could keep you hanging on for nothing. From your description of the relationship, it sounds like he may like you, but may feel unsure about the next step. That you have hesitated about sex with him so far is about knowing yourself. I have been dating a guy for six months. He texts me mostly every day morning noon and night. Some weeks I see him six days a week others I see him 2-3 times. We have dinner go on dates, stay in some nights, he brings me little presents from time to time. He has expressed that we have great chemistry, and we have sex only once or so a week, even if we see each other six times. We met a few months after he ended an eight year relationship, and I also ended a marriage. At two months I asked if we were exclusive and he said that we need to know each other more. We took a mini break and he said he needs to think about if he wants to commjt to me. Hi Ryan, I was approached by a guy from my hometown I never knew on FB. He is a divorcee who was married to his ex-wife for 22 years. I have never been married. We are both 44 years old. I feel for him quickly after his chivalrous treatment.. I told him so. Long story, short he told me that he was not over his ex-wife shortly after the short honeymoon period. Then, told me we could date casually. I say you move on and give someone else the opportunity to give you what you want, need and desire. Your worth so much more! We are both 37 however he plays game we have been off and on because of his ability to fully commit to me. We danced this same dance for so long. He ended it again which is fine. I will never be an option for a man again!
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